What can I do?

I always hate seeing people complain about stuffs, therefore I will never let myself being part of the complainers.

Life is wonderful, I mean we should always be thankful of what we have, but not complain about stuffs we don't have, isn't it?

In fact, people demand. This is the reason why people complain.

Negative emotions like to stick with me recently. 

Mood swings easily, over thinking are what I am doing all the time.

I don't know why, I just can't explain. It sucks.

Tear easily when listen to songs, when hug my pillow, even when chat with the boyfie.

Anything can affects me easily. Seriously hate this, so not me.

Trying hard to be a busy person by started doing assignments, cleaning my room, tidying my cupboard and stuffs that can fill up my time. But still, negative emotions won my mind.

I wonder, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Wanted to talk to people around me, but there's none.

Wanted to talk to my friends, but timezone doesn't allowed me to.

And lastly, the person I wanted to talk to the most, my boy, but I feel disappointed to talk to him.

The feeling is so helpless, what else I can do?

I miss ah leong, I miss talking to him. He is the one who knows me so well even I don't voice out he can tells out what my mind is thinking.

This fella is like living in my stomach, know everything of me so well. :(

He even remember my period date although I don't ask him to remember, instead of my boy.

Human compare. I hate myself so fucking much.

Most of the time I just wanted to share my thoughts, my ideas, my life in UK, everything of mine with him, but he just take it lightly or ignore me.

It makes me feeling scare to share stuffs with him, yes I have this feeling.

Been wondering before tell him something, and sometimes I just like, urghhh whatever.

This shouldn't happen in a relationship isn't it?

He is my motivation, he is my supporter, he is my listener, he is my partner, he is my boyfriend, he is my best friend, he is my everything.

But why I don't feel any supports from him anymore?

All these even affects my appetite. I can only eat a meal in 24 hours.

I find food is disgusting and I hate them all.

No ideas.

:(

心情很糟糕。
我不知道是我自己的问题还是什么，很不开心。

我一直很兴致勃勃，因为男朋友要来英国陪我过节，圣诞节和阳历新年。
很开心很开心，开心得连觉都睡不好一直在想该带男朋友去哪里玩，要什么冬衣给他什么的。
结果，就被他的一句话给否定掉我全部。他妈的。

顿时心里真的很不是滋味，但是我又不想闹脾气，毕竟他还是花了钱买机票这么远地要飞来。
话收在心里不说我又很难过，朋友看见我就问我说怎么了，我也不知道该怎么说。
打了很长一堆字想要告诉他我的不开心，最后还是不发出去还一键删掉全部。
很不自觉地就哭了。

不知道从何时开始，开始不再说早安或晚安。我很坚持地说每天都有在说，但是受到的回复是冷淡的就会像被泼了冷水的感觉。很讨厌。
一天两天或许还受得了，但是我现在已经不记得我们从何时开始把这个互相承诺的简单事情也要忽略掉。
远距离难道就一定要经历这些有的没的吗？

今天一下午都在找东西做让自己很忙很忙不想这些事。
但是当自己一休息的时候，还是会情不自禁的去看男朋友有没有找我的迹象。
结果令我很失望很失望，那就是没有。
一整天都不联络心里整个就七上八下，那种不安很讨人厌，真的很讨厌。
但是还是硬硬要强迫自己不要做那个踏出第一步的人。很痛苦。

不知道怎么了，安全感这种东西真的就好像不属于我。
从小到大都一直是自己很努力的在寻找这种感觉，但是就是没有。

还记得以前生活营里玩过的一个游戏，测试出我是一个极度没有安全感的小孩。
老师说我不轻易相信别人，就算是亲人，也与我有一道防火墙。
真的一定要这样吗？:(

男朋友，我真的希望你懂我为什么要一直这么坚持。
在你眼里可能都是小事不重要，但是对我来说承诺就是承诺，答应了就得做到。
难道不是这样的吗？:'(

08102013

Always have heart to heart talk sessions with Baby T whenever we are on our own.

We share our thoughts and problems to each other every time. In fact, we're just too kehpo lah. :P

I can completely relate my situation with the phrase 你看我好，我看你好。Lololol.

If you know what I mean.

She always says that my relationship with baby is what she always been wanted badly cuz whenever I story her about things happen between me and baby she will definitely like, 'yorrr, so goooood. xxx won't do that to me.'

Her boyfriend is currently studying in UK as well that she doesn't need to suffer LDR, inversely I have to. :'(

That's why I said 你看我好，我看你好。Hahaaa!

Reading back old texts in facebook inbox, old blogs, whatsapp earlier messages, and I realized that I been through so much up and down since form 2.

Feeling a lil bit shocked that I actually behaved that way when I was young. You'll never want to know what I have done wtf. -.-

Chatted with fen fen about D yesterday. 

Seriously miss her too much, we have the same thought towards the same person. 

Back in the year when I broke up with D, fen fen was the one who be in the middle to try so hard to settle for us. She even teared so hard and kept apologized to me that she failed in believe him.

Read D's blog post about I am a bitch and whatsoever shits.

The 'wtf' feeling is still strong even though years had passed. I stalked his gf's blog as well, the girl who keeps mention to public not to judge her if we don't know her stories.

I wonder, what stories you will have? What a bitch. -.-

Thank god I have a boyfie who treats me so well now even we are in LDR.

Baby T asked me, if boyfie comes to UK without letting me know for a surprise, what would I do?

I accidentally said, I will marry him after 2 years I don't care.

She burst laugh in the shopping mall until everyone looked at us. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Cuz boyfie ain't good in giving surprise and planning for something so yeah. -.-

WTF.

2年了。

在一起的第713天。

其实我也不懂这算不算是在一起真正的日期，但是10月25日对我们来讲是最值得纪念的日子，所以就将就一下啦。哈哈！

刚刚在面子书上看randomly地看了看我跟他的关系状态，真的是笑到我肚子痛。

原来两年前我们的沟通方式是这么的...sohai。哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！

Lolololll. 笑死我了！

还有一些是我们跟同学公开在面子书上谈要去clubbing的事，

那些留言真的是很好笑！

原来这两年内发生的事情还真多。

每当我跟他讲起学校的事情的时候，都会觉得很好笑。

虽然一路走来不容易，但是回头看看，就是因为这些喜怒哀乐才让这一路走来不是平平淡淡地过去。

现在回想这些，还不错嘛！哈哈。

Keep on going.

Hi, it has been a week. Another week has past in Birmingham, nothing special happened.

As usual, shop for groceries, skype with the boy and parents and go to school for the 1st week of official lectures. #bored

UK's education system is totally different with m'sia, it's totally different I can say.

What I used to have in m'sia was time ain't enough to spend, pack of classes, tons of assignments and etc,

but in UK, they are relaxing type. 

I have only 3 modules to study in this semester, and only 3 hours the most of each day of class. And, I get two days off in every week which are Wednesday and Friday that I have no class at all. :O

Well, it is bored for me cuz I have no entertainment here. -.-

I don't club (ahem!), gamble, no I don't. Sing k is too expensive to me, probably £25 each person = approx. Rm100. -.- Movie is expensive as well. -____________-

I have so much time to spend in the room with my lappy and my bed. :D

Definitely not gonna waste this opportunity to make myself get slimmer! Ahahahahahaha!

Yes, I start to work out in my room. :O

Hopefully you won't find it weird but I think that it is great to have some thing to do rather than just drama right? :/

I just started my work out day 1 today. Had captured the 'before' pic. Ahahaha! Most people did this right...

Will post it up once I see myself change. :PPP

I hope it won't take me too long lah. Seriously need to have flat tummy and slim legs if not I'm going to die. -.-

要嘛瘦要嘛死。 

Set this as my 名言 so that I could success to be slimmmmmm.

There was a girl told me something which I didn't realize until she told me about it.

She said, 'You aren't fat actually. It's just that the girls around you are too slim that shows that you're chubbier than them.'

I was like, OMGGGG. Yes, my girls are just too slim I don't know whyyy. D;

01102013

Oh well, it's still 1st of October now in UK time while m'sia is 2nd of October already.

The main reason I wanted to post this is to share with you guys few movies I've been watching recently.

Apparently not from the cinema cuz it's so expensive to watch here and the most I got is £5 for student price which is about RM20.00 lah.

2-student-priced-ticket I can watch gold class in m'sia liao! D;

Okay, back to the point. Recently I've fallen in love with the kind of 情感电影 which I used to hate when I was young. Lolololll. 

Not that I'm old now I won't admit it blah blah blah, but I guess I'm just being more mature thinking than I used to be cuz you know, things happen for a reason. Haha. 

Behaving emotional easily, Idk why but I just did. -.-

It's getting lesser to keep in touch with him these days. 

I can't get him most of the time, I don't know where he goes, what he does, I just don't know.

He used to update me, or at least let me know what he is doing or I'll be so worried and helpless at the same time, but he didn't do so for days already.

Yes, starting to feel helpless much especially I'm in so far away from him, almost half of the earth distance away. Helpless is all I can say, seriously.

It's important to check on my phone early in the morning cuz we promised to each other that to greet 'good morning' daily after wake up.

But I seemed not getting his texts these days and frustration hits me right away hardly.

I am not sure if I am the only one who feels that it is so important to keep in touch with the love one in this kind of LDR situation due to several reasons.

Different time zone is the main one. 

When I wake up, he most probably having lunch?

When he almost sleeps, I will be having dinner?

I just feel that our communication time is so less to appreciate every single second, but he doesn't seem think this way.

Even a not-so-closed friend told me that she feels that my frustration, and it affects people.

She used to read my posts and tweets about my boyfie cuz she thinks that we are the perfect two who had gone through so much yet strong bond had been built between both, but recently she said that I don't talk about him much anymore, no more 'baby' can be seen from me.

Feeling sad, very the sad you know. :'(

以前会很兴致勃勃地说good morning baby, good night baby，现在都只说了good night句号。

AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Bullshitted too much! Movies!!!

Watching these movies to cure my emotional, it helps. 

Firstly I've watched a very popular one - 被偷走的那五年。

So far this is the most touching one compare to the other three.

SO RECOMMENDED! 

Please watch it if you want to catch up to the trend. Lol.

It is so hitsssss at the moment. Hahaa.

I teared so much at the last few scenes. It was so cruel to let go of the love one when you got no choice.

T________________________T

Due to the main actress, youtube brought me to another movie which she played a main role as well - 失恋33天。

It is a movie about the days after she got dumped by her boyfriend.

I love the main actor in this movie, 王小贱。He so cuteeee! :D

Lesson: Let go of the bad, and the good will comes to you.

This 白百何, I don't know why her movies are all this sad love stories. Lol.

So here is the third one, 分手合约。

With 彭于晏！♥♥♥

The story line is quite similar with 被偷走的那五年.

Teared as well, their language can kill people seriously. So well said! :'((((

And this, the one I've just watched half an hour ago. Hahaaa.

分手说爱你。

Not 白百何 liao. Loll.

Fiona Sit is soooooo cute! :D

Got interested in this movie because of the comments in youtube. Lol.

Worth watching anyway.

Not 失恋 then 分手。So saddd. :'(