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It has been 183 days that I stay in UK.

I do counts, I have a thing about days of doing something.

It started since young, without reasons.

I read blogs when I am bored, or when I need inspirations.

I love reading, I go through every single word, cuz I think words are beautiful.

Read a post just now and it makes me feeling a lil down - about long distance relationships.

1 year and 8 months relationship.

1 year of being together, 8 months of being apart.

We didn't survive our long distance relationship.

We broke it off 2 months ago.

He found someone new, I'm stuck with moving on.

#You feel like shit when you know that he or she no longer misses you.

Love is getting fragile, it changes too fast, how scary.

I don't know how I handle my long distance relationship, if you asked me, I will answer you with only one word - TRUST.

You have to trust your partner.

Yes, you might get hurt if you trust, but when it is the only thing you can do, you've no choice.

Frankly, I really hate texting all the time with him.

Especially when he is the emotion-less type, he seldom laugh, seldom smile, seldom shows his emotion.

His replies are mostly covering one word, a dot, or neither an emoticon.

I get tired of thinking topic to text with him.

Most of the time I just do my stuffs and reply him when I think of something to tell.

We seldom skype. Skype is one of the most common thing of LDR couples.

But strangely, we don't usually do it.

Even if we do, we less talk. I don't know why.

I love to skype, so much, it's the most convinient way to feel closest to the one who is miles away from me.

I used to do it with my friends, most of my friends.

We talk shits, update life, gossips, speak about problems, discuss about games, play flappy bird together, listen to favourite songs and rap together etc etc.

But I don't do my favourite stuffs with my boyfriend. How strange.

Every time when I think of this, I feel sad.

No more morning greets, and it's okay for me.

Time will heal, I believe.

Studying in le Royaume-Uni.

Good evening readers.

Not too sure if I still have readers but if you are reading this, THANK YOU for not giving up on me!!! :')))

It's 10.25pm now in UK where Malaysia is already 6 in the morning.

I miss home, wouldn't feel bored repeating this phrase, seriously.

As title mentioned, today's post is all about my studies in UK.

I am progressing my bachelor's degree semester 2 now. One word to describe, TOUGH.

Yeah, I had the thought of giving up, but then I decided not to when I thought about my parents.

It was a serious downhill I can say, when no one understands your feelings, and they ain't putting themselves into my shoes. The most F moment. :'(

It's okay.

Honestly, I learnt alot. Learnt how to be strong when there's no people helps you.

I always tell myself that it's okay if you don't give a damn on me, cuz everyone is selfish, it's a fact.

Especially when you're studying abroad where people around you don't have the obligation to care on you,

you have to be strong or you die.

I can't count how many teary nights I've been through.

I can't count how much hair I've lost due to overstress.

I can't count how much thoughts I actually keep it all to myself.

The world is cruel.

I always jealous on my friends around me.

They always have someone who always solve problems for them.

They need no to work harder because money is always in their pockets.

我只能说，是命运。

Currently I am planning for a function which more or less similar to the one I did in taylors a year ago.

I am the co-ordinator of my group which means the function is all under my control.

I have to deal with the entertainers in order to get them to sign on a contract that basically written by me. -.-

I have to make sure my teammates are actually doing their roles.

I have to speak alot ENGLISH which isn't my mother language and most of the ang moh couldn't understand me but still, I need to speak to them until they get me.  #superstress

I have to do alot of paper works as there will be a planning report need to be submitted 2 weeks later.

I need to prove what I have done each week and present to the lecturers and tell them how far my team has progressed.

When all these strike on you, frankly I don't have the power to manage. 

Even though the lecturers always giving me positive comments, but still, I don't know.

I left only 1 week for my tickets to sell, to get 70 covers to attend to my function. #fuckthisshitiaintgonnamakeitwtf

Plus, I am taking French class now.

It is so hard for me to learn another language when I can't even use my english properly.

Do you get what I mean?

It is not easy to pursue your studies away from your hometown.

我已经不知道我可以做些什么了。

夜晚。

夜晚显得特别宁静，宁静的时候会想很多。
来英国快半年了，说还不习惯，也不是；说习惯了，也不算是。很矛盾吧？

这学期过得很压力。脱发的问题更显得严重，严重到我真的害怕起来。
很多事情都得突破自己的范围去完成，很多事情得自己亲历亲为去做，
一个人得分身做很多个岗位，我真的很累。
现在真的会在收到email的那分钟害怕起来，害怕的是会因为我错误的决定给把事情砸了。
我不知道可以向谁倾诉。
外人不会了解，都只会愚昧地说，这就是学生的责任啊，放多一点心机啦，花多一点时间之类的话。
你们不懂。

已经连续四天是被电话声给吵醒，因为大家都在为事情在做准备。
根本没办法睡个好觉。
好累，好累。

好久都没跟妈妈视讯了，我好想家。

哭，已经变得很麻木。
很多时候，听着听着熟悉的歌曲也能哭。好讨厌这样的自己。

男朋友每次说我有overthinking的坏习惯。确实。
或许是不安全感吧？从来不被认可所以会不安全感。
想要寄个明信片给他也不行。很无助。
只好把自己想跟他说的话都写在纸上然后收在抽屉里。很sad。
他从来不会po我们的合照。
我好羡慕那个曾经出现在他instagram上面的那个女生，打从心底里羡慕。

啊，那个谁结婚了！
好想邀出席他的婚礼哦，以前说好了一定会请彼此去彼此的婚礼，很可惜，我人在英国。:(
前几天有跟他小聊了一下，好怀念我们以前打打闹闹的日子。
这么快就当爸了，好高兴哦！
是很衷心地为他感到开心，还答应了一定会给他红包里放英镑。哈哈哈！

看了来自星星的你结局篇，哭惨了。
哭的原因不是因为剧情很伤感，而是因为我很了解千颂伊的感觉。
当都敏俊离开的那一刻，我想起男朋友回家的前一天，那种会哭得歇斯底里的感觉，不是说要控制就控制的了。
最重要的是，能相处的时间真的很短，所以会额外的珍惜。这是真的。