2014.

Hi readers, it has been awhile since my previous post. I am getting lazier to blog cuz most of the time I just post a photo to instagram or tweet about my daily life.

But still, I will not give up on blogging.

Well, December of 2013 is one of the most happening months in my 2013. Guess most of you know the reason behind. :')

Baby came all the way from Tawau to UK to meet me up. This is the most invaluable Christmas present I've ever received, seriously.

We went to Paris for 4 days 3 nights before Christmas.

Manchester 3 days 2 nights after Christmas.

And lastly, London town before he left. :'(

I can't describe my emotional even until now. 

Too much feelings at one go, I can just cry uncontrollably. :'(

Been sticking with him daily for 27 days long, I feel so lost suddenly when he isn't with me anymore.

People might not understand me, it's okay for me.

I know it's abit too kua jiong cuz I said until like he broke up with me or whatever.

You wouldn't know how the feeling is like if you weren't in a LDR.

Well, it's the time to set up my mind and back to reality which is super sucks with all the assignments and tests coming around the corner.

Just got the message from le boyfie that he already reached KL safely.

Back to 8 hours difference time zone again. This time, it's gonna be 6 months after till we meet again. :'(

Will update more about my trips after I done filter all my photos.

Stay tuned! Byes.

Back to December.

Got slim or not?! YES or NO?!!! Hahaha!
Frankly I sent this photo to most of my close friends, they told me that effects can be seen obviously but they love my chubby face more. T___T

I don't remember what is the exact thing which inspired me to diet and get slim and I did and here's the outcome!
Well, for me, slim down is not a trend or a hobby, but it's a habit for me to remind myself that I have to become prettier to gain my self confidence back in order to live in this society.
On the other hand, my boyfriend is way tooooooooo thin and I have to stay thin or get even thinner to match him la wtf. -.-
My mom told me that I honestly look bigger size than him when I stand on his side wtf, so yeah. -.-

Done bullshitting, back to December now.
It's no way to deny that time doesn't wait! It's already the last month of the year man, holly shit!
Reflashing what I've done in this year, let's see.
*finding my resolution post, omg I didn't do any resolution for my 2013 last year meh!!! okay lorrr -.-*

1. Best trainee in Marriott Putrajaya.
Attended internships was one of the most memorable things that I've done in my entire 20-year-old life. I learnt a lot, honestly A LOT. How to communicate with people, how to behave better, how to manage and plan for my time and work and etc etc. I can never learn all these from school and even from home. Got myself a best trainee award in Marriott Putrajaya as well. :DDD

2. Done with Taylor's University Lakeside Campus.
Graduated from my diploma course! 2 years time spent in Taylor's, it wasn't that long, but it wasn't a short time too. I'm missing everything of my dear taylor's now, it was too free and happy to study there honestly. Always complaint for kitchen practical classes because of peeling those freaking tons of potatoes and got hands of butter or onions smells. Always compaints of couln't get a nearer car park and also RM3 entrance fee per entry. Always complaint nothing to eat during break time even though there are Oldtown, foodcourt, Zhia's Kitchen, Kung Fu, Starbucks, korean restaurant, mamak and others in the campus. I miss talking to Ah Xuan in the library and rushing for assignment till late night in 24/7 room with Stephanie. And got a boyfriend from my course too, AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lastly, got myself as one of the top ten students in DH40. With jury's congratulations weih. Unbelievable rightttt? Lolololll.

3. The boyfriend - J.
Officially in a relationship with J after 2 years of fucking luin shui relationships. -.- Honestly our path wasn't easy from the beginning till now. From Daniel, then William, then Han...2 years of time can totally changed my love story. It's never easy to stay with J frankly. I teared, tried to give up N times, gone crazy and left my unit in the late midnight, told Ah Leong everything with my tears, got drunk during drinking sessions to forget what nonsense or lies that he always told me until my friends hated me, got my heart tortured everyday without knowing how we supposed to be although we met everyday in class. WTF. I acted stranger with him and ignored him as much as I could cuz I just don't know what our relationship is. I hated him, hated myself too, so much. He makes me believe that what it's mine, eventually mine. It's pointless to force things to happen, so yeah we just let time proves everything. Both of us don't remember when is the exact date which we started to date openly, things just happened naturally and I am glad that it happened. :')))

4. Travel to Australia - one of the must-go-country.
Went to Aussie for koalas and kangaroos with le family. I always been wanted to travel to Australia to visit my dear koalas, before its extinction. :'( Although it wasn't a fantastic trip but at least I've been there. So it's still fine. :P

5. Taking degree course in Birmingham, UK.
Well, this decision is one of the biggest decisions I've made ever. I chose to leave home, leave the boyfriend, leave my friends, leave everything I have had in Malaysia to travel to UK just to further my studies. Thank you my parents who give me the biggest support. I miss home so muchhhhh. :'( Feeling guilty when the boyfriend told me that he hates me for leaving him when we just started to date for months. People told me that LDR doesn't work but I don't believe it, baby and I will make it. D; If time rewinds, I will stay in Taylor's for my degree. *没大志！HAIS*

December is the month which I used to reflash what I have done and what I want to do for the next year.
It seems 2013 brought me a turning point in my life, hope that everything will goes smooth as how I wish la! :P
It's 11.57pm now in UK. Wake up for another 9 times to meet baby in London!
I CAN'T WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. 

男朋友这小子。

最近的情绪起伏令身边的朋友们担心了，对不起。
我很自以为是，我一直觉得自己可以处理得很好，总觉得没什么事情难得了我。
但是当事情发生时，我竟变成第一个不知所措的那个人。

话，可以说得很有说服力。字，可以写得很美妙。
但是当独自一个人回到房间时，再有说服力的话，再美妙的字眼，也战胜不了强忍回来的眼泪。

很白痴，我懂。
当有人在为写不完的作业而慌张时，我在为了一个男人哭。
当有人在为了下一餐不确定的温饱而烦恼时，我在为一个男人哭。
当有人为了躺在病床上的亲人而担心时，我在为了一个男人哭。
世界很大，但是不知道从何开始这个人已经变成了我的世界。

这个人他的话不多，所以当他跟我多说一句话时，我会觉得很开心。
他很难捉摸，因为他不善于表达。正因为他不善于表达，所以我很没有安全感。
安全感这东西，从来就不属于我。二十年来在任何人身上都找不到。

昨天，他有一段很长的时间没有回复我，他睡觉了我也不知道。
我很生气，但是我选择忍耐。因为为了这种小事而吵，最终我懂最终只会闹得冷战，远距离的斗气和冷战是最忌讳的。不想要这些发生那唯有能做的就是忍。
其实从认识他开始他已经就是这样的人，只是我在奢望身份不同了他会对我有所改变。

刚刚在跟一个朋友随聊，他竟然说了一句令我很讶异的话。
“reply you only takes few seconds, what so difficult?”
我愣了很久。连朋友都肯花这种事件在我身上，为什么男朋友不行？

昨天，他睡醒之后我跟他说了很多话，他也跟我说了很多。
其实当时的心情是很害怕的，因为我很害怕他逃避话题然后又不回复我，问题又继续越滚越大。
当我问他为什么不回复我的时候，他回答得不是原因，而是之前我们间断的话题的下文。
我很懊恼，这是不是一种逃避的举动？
我: 你刚才在做什么？
他：连续剧 面子书 睡觉
我：我一直在等你回复我
他：再找我啦
我当时又愣了很久。你都已经不想理我的感觉，我哪会再找啊？
我：你看连续剧，面子书和睡觉，不能回复我？
他：没有不可以啊
我：你觉得跟我说话很无聊？
他：你在想什么？
我：我很害怕，因为你对我有所不同。
他：有什么不同。
我：我们有多久没有视讯？没有道早安和晚安？（超过一星期了）
他：是你没有说早安晚安 （我一直都有在说，但是都是自己在说久了，我觉得我很白痴）
我：然后你可以很久很久在才回复我，一回复不久就是说晚安的时候了。
他：我不会为了这事跟你吵。
我：我不想跟你吵。只是我真的觉得我们之间有改变，你明白吗？
他：我还是我。
我：25112013 是我们在一起的第七个月。（我只是想缓和气氛）
他：10月25啦 （10月25日是我们两年前开始的日期）
我：好，那就是第25个月。
他：第几个天？第几个星期？
我：我统统有在算。第762天。第109星期。
他：我没话说。
我：我们到底怎么了？
他：不是说我不在意。我觉得大多数男生不会记得这些什么纪念日。For what?
我：我在说的不是纪念日的问题。
他：那你又说？
我：（我很懒惰解释了直接进入重点吧）我是说，我觉得我们之间有改变。我们越来越少说话。已经很多天了，每天只剩下信息，连信息的话题也所剩无几。
他：唉
我：宝贝，感情需要维持。我很爱你，你知道的。我们好不容易走到今天。我相信你知道这一切来得有多么不容易。我也知道你不会想这么容易放弃。我真的希望你和我一起努力。对，远距离很艰难，很辛苦，这些吵架一定有，但是我想你跟我一起面对，好吗？不要丢下我一个人，我很怕，真的很怕。
他：:'( 有时候，我只是不知道怎样回复你，不是不回复。我也是在等你聊新的话题。
我：你应该告诉我啊
他：视讯，我不喜欢视讯。有时候当我想的时候，网线不好。可以怎样？
我：但是那是我们唯一能看见对方的工具啊
他：不是我不想见你，你明白吗？如果我不想见你，为什么我买机票飞去英国找你？我知道新年已经会用很多钱，为什么我还选择去？（男朋友新年会去搭cruise。）
我：好。那我乖乖在这里等你飞来。我觉得我们应该多多聊天。（他真的很难得这么多话跟我说）
他：你去英国之前就知道会这样，还硬是要去。知道那间大学还好而已，还是要去。你留在吉隆坡还是新加坡靠近的地方，我还可以两三个月飞去找你一次。
我：我现在已经在这里了啊
他：你不明白我说的。
我：我知道，但是现在真的不能怎样了啊。我也不想丢下你一个人，你知道的啊，我有多么想一直跟你待在一起。（之前去澳洲，临上飞机前也要见见男朋友才肯上飞机。）但是我现在人在英国了啊，是事实了啊，你要我怎么办嘛？对不起。
（顿时真的有知错的感觉，我竟然忽略了他的感受）
他：我不是要你怎么办。可能你真的已经知道这一切会发生？
我：吵架一定有，就算像以前一样住在一起也会。只是现在距离真的很远，不像以前这样有安全感，所以比较会想歪一边，需要你来纠正我。对不起，是我不对。我没有站在你的角度想，只顾着自己的情绪忘了你也有你的难处。
他：好啦。不要弄我哭，我还得出门。
我：来，我帮你擦擦。

很喜欢这样把话说开，心里真的整个轻松了。
这星期得好好发奋，把作业给做完然后好好等男朋友来陪我过圣诞和新年。:D