What can I do?

I always hate seeing people complain about stuffs, therefore I will never let myself being part of the complainers.

Life is wonderful, I mean we should always be thankful of what we have, but not complain about stuffs we don't have, isn't it?

In fact, people demand. This is the reason why people complain.

Negative emotions like to stick with me recently. 

Mood swings easily, over thinking are what I am doing all the time.

I don't know why, I just can't explain. It sucks.

Tear easily when listen to songs, when hug my pillow, even when chat with the boyfie.

Anything can affects me easily. Seriously hate this, so not me.

Trying hard to be a busy person by started doing assignments, cleaning my room, tidying my cupboard and stuffs that can fill up my time. But still, negative emotions won my mind.

I wonder, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Wanted to talk to people around me, but there's none.

Wanted to talk to my friends, but timezone doesn't allowed me to.

And lastly, the person I wanted to talk to the most, my boy, but I feel disappointed to talk to him.

The feeling is so helpless, what else I can do?

I miss ah leong, I miss talking to him. He is the one who knows me so well even I don't voice out he can tells out what my mind is thinking.

This fella is like living in my stomach, know everything of me so well. :(

He even remember my period date although I don't ask him to remember, instead of my boy.

Human compare. I hate myself so fucking much.

Most of the time I just wanted to share my thoughts, my ideas, my life in UK, everything of mine with him, but he just take it lightly or ignore me.

It makes me feeling scare to share stuffs with him, yes I have this feeling.

Been wondering before tell him something, and sometimes I just like, urghhh whatever.

This shouldn't happen in a relationship isn't it?

He is my motivation, he is my supporter, he is my listener, he is my partner, he is my boyfriend, he is my best friend, he is my everything.

But why I don't feel any supports from him anymore?

All these even affects my appetite. I can only eat a meal in 24 hours.

I find food is disgusting and I hate them all.

No ideas.

:(

心情很糟糕。
我不知道是我自己的问题还是什么，很不开心。

我一直很兴致勃勃，因为男朋友要来英国陪我过节，圣诞节和阳历新年。
很开心很开心，开心得连觉都睡不好一直在想该带男朋友去哪里玩，要什么冬衣给他什么的。
结果，就被他的一句话给否定掉我全部。他妈的。

顿时心里真的很不是滋味，但是我又不想闹脾气，毕竟他还是花了钱买机票这么远地要飞来。
话收在心里不说我又很难过，朋友看见我就问我说怎么了，我也不知道该怎么说。
打了很长一堆字想要告诉他我的不开心，最后还是不发出去还一键删掉全部。
很不自觉地就哭了。

不知道从何时开始，开始不再说早安或晚安。我很坚持地说每天都有在说，但是受到的回复是冷淡的就会像被泼了冷水的感觉。很讨厌。
一天两天或许还受得了，但是我现在已经不记得我们从何时开始把这个互相承诺的简单事情也要忽略掉。
远距离难道就一定要经历这些有的没的吗？

今天一下午都在找东西做让自己很忙很忙不想这些事。
但是当自己一休息的时候，还是会情不自禁的去看男朋友有没有找我的迹象。
结果令我很失望很失望，那就是没有。
一整天都不联络心里整个就七上八下，那种不安很讨人厌，真的很讨厌。
但是还是硬硬要强迫自己不要做那个踏出第一步的人。很痛苦。

不知道怎么了，安全感这种东西真的就好像不属于我。
从小到大都一直是自己很努力的在寻找这种感觉，但是就是没有。

还记得以前生活营里玩过的一个游戏，测试出我是一个极度没有安全感的小孩。
老师说我不轻易相信别人，就算是亲人，也与我有一道防火墙。
真的一定要这样吗？:(

男朋友，我真的希望你懂我为什么要一直这么坚持。
在你眼里可能都是小事不重要，但是对我来说承诺就是承诺，答应了就得做到。
难道不是这样的吗？:'(

08102013

Always have heart to heart talk sessions with Baby T whenever we are on our own.

We share our thoughts and problems to each other every time. In fact, we're just too kehpo lah. :P

I can completely relate my situation with the phrase 你看我好，我看你好。Lololol.

If you know what I mean.

She always says that my relationship with baby is what she always been wanted badly cuz whenever I story her about things happen between me and baby she will definitely like, 'yorrr, so goooood. xxx won't do that to me.'

Her boyfriend is currently studying in UK as well that she doesn't need to suffer LDR, inversely I have to. :'(

That's why I said 你看我好，我看你好。Hahaaa!

Reading back old texts in facebook inbox, old blogs, whatsapp earlier messages, and I realized that I been through so much up and down since form 2.

Feeling a lil bit shocked that I actually behaved that way when I was young. You'll never want to know what I have done wtf. -.-

Chatted with fen fen about D yesterday. 

Seriously miss her too much, we have the same thought towards the same person. 

Back in the year when I broke up with D, fen fen was the one who be in the middle to try so hard to settle for us. She even teared so hard and kept apologized to me that she failed in believe him.

Read D's blog post about I am a bitch and whatsoever shits.

The 'wtf' feeling is still strong even though years had passed. I stalked his gf's blog as well, the girl who keeps mention to public not to judge her if we don't know her stories.

I wonder, what stories you will have? What a bitch. -.-

Thank god I have a boyfie who treats me so well now even we are in LDR.

Baby T asked me, if boyfie comes to UK without letting me know for a surprise, what would I do?

I accidentally said, I will marry him after 2 years I don't care.

She burst laugh in the shopping mall until everyone looked at us. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Cuz boyfie ain't good in giving surprise and planning for something so yeah. -.-

WTF.